He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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