Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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