i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize