pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
