i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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