My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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