nutella sex= disaster
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
