she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
