she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
