dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
