Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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