I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
