Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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