You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
