i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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