she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
