So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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