Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize