by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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