i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
