I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
