she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
