Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
