bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize