I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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