One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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