Pappa wants mamma naked
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're like the curious george of whores
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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