So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
