just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
