Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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