what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
