By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
3 2 1 whiskey
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
