My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
