I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
