I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
