i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
