Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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