Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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