I'm lost and stupid without you.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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