is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
