i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
