help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
