Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
