I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
