I murdered the dance floor call the cops
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
