Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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