found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
