maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
