Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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