she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
