Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my shit smells like andre
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
