My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
