Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
