Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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