I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize