I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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