Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want nice things and good sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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