I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
