I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
