if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
