You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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