I met the friendliest cop last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
