FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
