Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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