I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
