:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
