Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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