Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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