dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Found the puke drawer
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
