Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
