you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize