you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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