I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
