i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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