Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
