So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize