Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
