he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
