I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
