Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
