my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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