My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
