if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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