where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
