My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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