i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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