Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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