yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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