my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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