Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
