I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
