I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
