margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
