i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's like iHOP with fire
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
