We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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