I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
