He is an equal opportunity slut.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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