i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
