Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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