I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
