Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
