I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
