so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
