Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
