Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
