Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
